I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
