im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
third nipple confirmed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
