Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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