I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
