yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
