Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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