you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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