i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
