I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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