So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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