Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
