i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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