I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
