I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
