I feel like abortions should bother me more
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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