Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
