So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dear god my vagina.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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