Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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