i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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