things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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