Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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