He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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