The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
