Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
