Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You left your phone here
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