Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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