Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
