Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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