what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
