woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
