the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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