Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
