tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You left your phone here
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