just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My bed smells like the plague
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