don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
