he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
