He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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