The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Drunk is a universal language darling
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