I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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