She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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