i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The air was thick with penises
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
