This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
