Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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