What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
