I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
