I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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