Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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