I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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