some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's the barista slut.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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