I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
